Dear Sports gods,
State back dooring their way to Atlantis Narnia that mythical place in Nebraska two years ago was one thing. But I mean, seriously. USM? Are you FUCKING kidding me?
Should Bianco announce his retirement halfway through the season next year? Is that what it takes? Or, should we draw up plans to abolish the baseball program only to have some traitorous benefactor come along and save our program so we can beat one of his alma maters in a Super Regional a few years later?
Despite the interesting twists and storylines you carefully incorporated into our annual festival of blue balls, I must say I think you could've done better. Admittedly, I'm in no position to Monday morning quarterback your 2009 Ole Miss Baseball cock tease strategy considering I was sucked right back into your mind games after the Pomeranz performance against WKU.
Far be it from me to second guess the deities of the diamond. I just have this one thought I can't put out of my mind. Why not go ahead and pair the Oxford Regional with the Atlanta Regional? Think about it. What's the one thing that could have made our latest cocklebur hand job sting even more? That's right - USM beating us in the Oxford Super Regional. As sickening as it was to watch the UVA players storm our mound and dog pile, I can't even begin to imagine the string of profanities and vomiting that would no doubt have occurred as I stood in left field hearing the black and gold contingent chant "To the top!" over and over as Joe Spirit Poster shoves me out of the way and threatens the lives of his wife and five year-old son for asking to stop by the Hotty Toddy Potty on the way to the car.
Quite frankly, I'm surprised you didn't think of this as you drew up your post-season plans for the Cubs of college baseball. You're losing your edge these days, sports gods. And, while I have your attention, you should be fucking ashamed of yourselves for ruining a talented pitcher's future just for the sake of toying with our emotions. It's astounding the lengths to which you will go in setting up our disappointment. (If he happens to be fine and only protecting his draft status, I say "well played".)
You're also somehow overestimating our fan base. You thought Matt Smith's walk-off homer was simply going to make the next two games sting a little more. The truth is most of our fans will get hours of sexual gratification from that moment via Youtube for the rest of their lives, completely ignoring the fact it was the only highlight of the weekend. The video of Travis Johnson's interception against LSU in 2003 has 100,000 hits for a reason, dickwads.
Oh well. Fuck you. It's now football season in Oxford. And, despite your best efforts, you know you can't do shit this fall as long as Obama remains in the White House. We've got our "Get out of jail free" card for at least the next four years. Have fun brainstorming for basketball season for the next few months. I'll send you a postcard from Atlanta, bitches.
Until next June,
SSMUND
Alreadyovertheshit, Miss.
State back dooring their way to Atlantis Narnia that mythical place in Nebraska two years ago was one thing. But I mean, seriously. USM? Are you FUCKING kidding me?
Should Bianco announce his retirement halfway through the season next year? Is that what it takes? Or, should we draw up plans to abolish the baseball program only to have some traitorous benefactor come along and save our program so we can beat one of his alma maters in a Super Regional a few years later?
Despite the interesting twists and storylines you carefully incorporated into our annual festival of blue balls, I must say I think you could've done better. Admittedly, I'm in no position to Monday morning quarterback your 2009 Ole Miss Baseball cock tease strategy considering I was sucked right back into your mind games after the Pomeranz performance against WKU.
Far be it from me to second guess the deities of the diamond. I just have this one thought I can't put out of my mind. Why not go ahead and pair the Oxford Regional with the Atlanta Regional? Think about it. What's the one thing that could have made our latest cocklebur hand job sting even more? That's right - USM beating us in the Oxford Super Regional. As sickening as it was to watch the UVA players storm our mound and dog pile, I can't even begin to imagine the string of profanities and vomiting that would no doubt have occurred as I stood in left field hearing the black and gold contingent chant "To the top!" over and over as Joe Spirit Poster shoves me out of the way and threatens the lives of his wife and five year-old son for asking to stop by the Hotty Toddy Potty on the way to the car.
Quite frankly, I'm surprised you didn't think of this as you drew up your post-season plans for the Cubs of college baseball. You're losing your edge these days, sports gods. And, while I have your attention, you should be fucking ashamed of yourselves for ruining a talented pitcher's future just for the sake of toying with our emotions. It's astounding the lengths to which you will go in setting up our disappointment. (If he happens to be fine and only protecting his draft status, I say "well played".)
You're also somehow overestimating our fan base. You thought Matt Smith's walk-off homer was simply going to make the next two games sting a little more. The truth is most of our fans will get hours of sexual gratification from that moment via Youtube for the rest of their lives, completely ignoring the fact it was the only highlight of the weekend. The video of Travis Johnson's interception against LSU in 2003 has 100,000 hits for a reason, dickwads.
Oh well. Fuck you. It's now football season in Oxford. And, despite your best efforts, you know you can't do shit this fall as long as Obama remains in the White House. We've got our "Get out of jail free" card for at least the next four years. Have fun brainstorming for basketball season for the next few months. I'll send you a postcard from Atlanta, bitches.
Until next June,
SSMUND
Alreadyovertheshit, Miss.
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