Have You Seen My Cowbell? (a children's tale)
Have You Seen My Cowbell?
(a children's tale)
Little Jimmy grew up just outside the magical town of Starkville, Mississippi. Jimmy was the biggest Mississippi State fan in all the land. He even got to go to the College World Series!
But it was almost time for the Egg Bowl, and Jimmy could not find his cowbell. Jimmy looked and looked, but his cowbell was nowhere to be found. Jimmy became very sad and began to cry.
“Have you seen my cowbell?” Jimmy asked Postman Phil.
“Why no, Jimmy, I have not seen your cowbell. Say, didn’t you go to the Bama game in Starkville? Maybe you left your cowbell in Starkville,” said Phil.
“I did go to Starkville!” said Jimmy. “I bet I left it there. I will go to Starkville and find my cowbell!” Jimmy thought for a bit. “But I don’t know how to get to Starkville,” he said with a sniffle.
“Oh don’t cry, Jimmy. It’s simple enough,” said the postman as he took off his pants. “Here, take a look at this map. Starkville’s right here,” he said as he pointed on the map.
“Thanks Mr. Postman!” said Jimmy, and he set off for Starkville. When he reached the outskirts of the city, Jimmy saw some horse stables and heard some dancing and singing.
“Have you seen my cowbell?” asked Jimmy when they were done singing.
“No, but sometimes I keep my cowbell in here,” said Bernice as she stuck her entire arm into a cow’s rectum. “Have you checked your cow’s anus?”
“But I don’t have a cow,” said Jimmy with a frown.
“Then you should go ask Coach Mullen. I hear he’s good at finding cowbells,” said Bernice.
So Jimmy went to go find Coach Mullen. Jimmy looked and looked, but Coach Mullen was nowhere to be found.
Finally, Jimmy found Coach Mullen. He sure was having a lot of fun in the hot tub!
“Have you seen my cowbell?” Jimmy asked Coach Mullen.
“Hi ya, son! Funny you should ask! We’re playing 'Find The Cowbell' right now! Come on in and see if you can find one! No pants allowed!” said Coach Mullen before ducking under water.
Jimmy turned and ran down the hall as fast as he could go. He ran into the locker room and shut the door behind him quickly and turned around.
“Have you seen my cow-” Jimmy started to ask before realizing he was in the middle of a giant costume party.
In one corner football players were playing Twister, while in another corner guys were Jell-o wrestling.
Others were helping each other put on eye makeup, body paint and glitter.
Jimmy turned and ran down the hall into the first office he came to. A nice man was standing behind a desk.
“Hello, I'm Bracky. How may I help you?” asked Bracky.
“Have you seen my cowbell?” asked Jimmy.
“Did you give it to a recruit?” asked Bracky.
“No sir, I lost it,” said Jimmy.
“If you don’t know where it is, how do you know a recruit doesn’t have it? Oh no, this is not good, not good at all. The NCAA is definitely going to want to know about this,” said Bracky as he picked up the phone and dialed "1" on speed dial.
Jimmy walked out of Bracky’s office sadly. By now it was almost time for the Egg Bowl.
“I’ll never find my cowbell,” said Jimmy as he began to cry, “but I guess I’ll go on to the game anyway.”
When Jimmy took his seat in the stands, he couldn't help but notice an MSU cheerleader down on the field.
“Have you seen my cowbell?” Jimmy called out to the cheerleader.
“I can’t hear you. You’ll have to come closer,” said the cheerleader.
“Have you seen my cowbell?” asked Jimmy as got closer to the field.
“I still can’t hear you. Come closer,” said the cheerleader.
“Have you seen my -” Jimmy started to say, but the cheerleader tried to eat him. Jimmy turned and fled back into the stands and took his seat. “I’ll never find my cowbell,” Jimmy said as he began to cry loudly.
“Be quiet!” said the man seated in front of him. “I have to pay attention to this game. Don’t you know who I am? I am the leader of Bulldog Nation! I used to coach junior high football! I have my own website for elite MSU fans. I have sources!" Then the man turned to his lady friend seated to his right with facial hair and big muscles and said, "If I hear that kid cry again, I’ll dot your eye!”
Jimmy looked at the "lady."
Just then Jimmy looked down, and there, right in front of him was his cowbell sticking out of "her" pants!
Jimmy decided he didn’t really want his cowbell anymore. “I’ve always liked Bama more anyway,” said Jimmy to himself as he put on his Bama hat and walked back home.
|Have You Seen My Cowbell? (a children's tale)||Nov 25, 2013 2:50 PM||Jughead|
|Ham Worthy.||Nov 25, 2013 2:52 PM||Johnboy|
|BRA-FUCKING-VO.**||Nov 25, 2013 3:06 PM||VictoryRed|
|Hail yea||Nov 25, 2013 3:08 PM||1 Rodimus Prime|
|Lost it at Bracky.||Nov 25, 2013 3:33 PM||EmoryBellard|
|Excellent use of visual aides.||Nov 25, 2013 3:59 PM||Bopolis|
|Well done.||Nov 25, 2013 4:23 PM||someonestolemyusernamedamnit|
|Nice way to start off the egg-bowl week.||Nov 25, 2013 4:36 PM||bigrebone|
|Snicker-worthy.||Nov 25, 2013 4:46 PM||ltreb|
|Well done.||Nov 25, 2013 5:15 PM||RichardZinya|
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